Discussion Tuesday

                I found the idea of destroying everything that is sublime and beautiful interesting because everyone at some point in their lives has done it.  Whether it is destroying a siblings Lego tower, or destroying a golf course, there is some sort of enjoyment derived from feeling powerful, and in control of your surroundings.  Whether we choose to accept this part of ourselves or not, it is within us all.  I like how everything in this book falls back onto the idea that as humans, we naturally care more about ourselves than anyone else.  In almost every situation, we always think about our well being before we choose to look at others.  Dostoyevsky puts this all on paper, making it difficult to swallow.  Nobody wants to be labeled as narcissistic or selfish, yet we all are programmed to be that way.  I think through these discussions I now understand why the narrator hated himself.  He understands the fact he is totally selfish and thinks only for himself, while he simultaneously sees the bad aspects of being selfish.  He is split in two parts internally, and neither side can win.