Isa's Tuesday 400 post

In my opinion, Notes from the Underground was worth reading. While I read it alone, I didn't understand his arguments and naturally got frustrated. That frustration led me to label it as way beyond my level of comprehension, and why even bother with it? After our discussions, I can now see just how disturbingly applicable all of Doystoyevsky's arguments are. It's in part scary that such an "underground" man who hates the inferior man and can never belong,  is so accurate about the human psyche. Though I'm assuming pathos was not meant to occur, I did find myself sympathizing for the man. Here he is; a genius, so aware of every decision and the reason behind it. Yet he is unable to act, paralyzed to simply ponder and watch "stupid" men act on every impulse and desire. After reading this novel and discussing it so much, I feel a hint of that isolation.I feel as if I know a secret about the human mind, something that others who haven't read do not know. And yet those who know less will enjoy more, able to make every choice clearly because they do not know better.

The most memorable part of the book for me was the visualization exercise we did in class which related to the idea of infinite space. The idea of the "wall" which I wasn't able to really picture before, became very real in that moment.  I was very much affected by it because I realized just how uncomfortable I am with the concept of endlessness, and how my wall (which I had never acknowledged) was the comfort of knowing a start and a finish. The more infinite and absolute, the more claustrophobic I felt. It was as if infinite space had it's own walls smothering me. It was eye opening, that I was experiencing exactly what the underground man spoke about in the novel.  It was as if the wall, which I assume is to protect one's own self, hindered progress;infinite space should be exciting and unpredictable, but I held myself back.  My own limitations, my own perceptions of where I should begin and end caused a subconscious block. I felt myself putting up a stopper to the infinite space. "Oh, that's where it ends. Don't worry, it will end soon." It's my own fears, not what others have told me,  that causes such a wall.